Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Be Kind, Don’t Panic, and Have Faith. Psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer and educator Judy Alexander talk about relationships, and answer your questions.


By far our most popular episode so far has been the one called, "It's Not About Communication!" But...what if it is? We talk about what happens when ideas--like noticing how people behave when they're communicating well--harden into ideologies--like techniques and rules. Along the way we cover the idea of relational fundamentalism (thanks to Judy for that coinage!), and how faith is the opposite of fundamentalism.

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


What happens when your partner wants way more sex than you do? Or way less? We talk about the death spiral that can happen in a relationship--but also about opportunities for grace, intimacy, and erotic connection, at any age.

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


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Everything you know about couples therapy is wrong! Well, maybe not everything. But we talk about what happens when your therapist puts their precious theories ahead of actual people, who somehow refuse to behave like the manual says. Join us as Bruce manages to insult Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Non-Violent Communication, and even his own ideas, smiling all the while. 

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


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Rules for communication! Everyone wants rules for communication! Of dozens of possibilities, here are five popular, common-sense rules--all of them ridiculous. 

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


We're responding to a provocative question posed by a letter to Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus: If you watch porn, do you have to tell your partner about it? What are the pros and cons? Is porn okay at all, and if it is, how should a couple deal with it?

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


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We're live! (Well, we taped before a live audience!) Check out our discussion of communication (it's still not about communication!), sex, intimacy, and other topics, with provocative and personal questions from our audience. Thanks to Temple Sinai in South Burlington, Vermont for hosting this event.

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


We talk about a lot of couples. But what about our own story? Thanks to a listener question, we tell all (well, we tell a lot!).

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort


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Did you know that sexual desire and sexual arousal aren't the same--that you can be capable of arousal but have little desire, or have a lot of desire but experience little arousal? We have a lively, engaging interview with the Orthodox Sex Guru and Queen of Vibrators herself, Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, whose book Sex Points was released earlier this year. 

The series on vibrators Bat Sheva mentions can be found here.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by the Fyre and Lightning Consort. Visit us at brucechalmer.com/podcast. Get Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark here or wherever you get books.


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What's funny got to do with couples therapy? We talk to Izzy Gesell, a funny man who teaches us how to let ourselves be vulnerable enough to risk being foolish--and along the way, opens our hearts. We play an improv game to illustrate that takes a rather risqué turn!

Izzy's website is IzzyG.com.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by the Fyre and Lightning Consort. Visit us at brucechalmer.com/podcast. Get Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark here or wherever you get books.


If you had an affair, are you a total screw-up? Is there hope for healing? What if your partner cheated? Spoiler alert: Healing is possible--but it's not easy. We talk about cheating, guilt, apologies, and the possibility that a couple can survive an affair. And we handle a listener question from someone who's in the middle of it.

Send in your questions: email us at bruce@brucechalmer.com, or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

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