Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Four Things Your Therapist Wants You to Know

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/four-things-your-therapist-wants-you-to-know/.

What should you know before you start therapy? Christina Caron wrote an article about that in the New York Times (link below), and Judy and I talk about the four things Caron wrote about, and apply them specifically to couples therapy. As we discuss, therapy is often fluid, especially with couples. Goals can shift, the two members of the couple can differ in their opinions about how the therapy is going, and success isn’t always easy to define. As I’ve written about in one of my books (It’s Not About Communication), couples therapy is often like improv theater.

The article we refer to in this episode is at https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/24/well/start-therapy-tips.html.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

A Hopeless Romantic and the Masculine Ideal: An Interview with Gregory Diehl

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/gregory-diehl/.

Our guest in this episode, Gregory Diehl, describes himself as a Romantic Idealist, which, he explains is a fundamentally hopeless position since perfection is impossible. And he remains an idealist even as his own love life hasn’t yet come to fruition. We talk about his ideas about the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, and about the retreat center he has established in Armenia.

Gregory’s website is https://www.gregorydiehl.net/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

If Men Have All the Power How Come Women Make the Rules? An Interview with Jack Kammer

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jack-kammer/.

Talking about gender issues can be a minefield. Talking about ways in which not only women, but men too are victims of implicit bias can get you canceled—as evidenced by what happened to our guest’s book when he wrote about that. Our guest, Jack Kammer, has the distinction of being a target of cancel culture before the term was coined. We talk about his experiences thinking, speaking, and writing about bias against men. We also talk about why it’s so difficult to get men to go to couples therapy.

Here’s the link we mention to my (Bruce’s) video called “How Do You Get Your Reluctant Guy to Go to Couples Therapy with You?”: https://youtu.be/SlGtc9NoaA4

Jack’s website is https://www.malefriendlymedia.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

Diversity, Diagnosis, and Nonsense: When Ideas Turn into Ideologies

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/diversity-diagnosis-and-nonsense/.

Okay, I (Bruce) get to rant in this one. Bring on the arguments! How does the good idea of diversity turn into the ideology that makes universities insist that candidates for faculty positions sign loyalty oaths? How does the good idea of understanding the experience of trans people turn into the ideology that says you can’t question whether someone who grew up in a male body should be allowed to swim on the girls’ team? How does the good idea of differential diagnosis turn into the ideology that totalizes and pathologizes people?

More generally, how do ideologies turn otherwise intelligent, caring people into malevolent idiots?

At the end of this episode, I specifically invite people who’d like to argue with me to come on as a guest. Maybe that’s you! Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

From Near-Divorce to a Thriving Marriage: An Interview with Sophie Orozco

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/sophie-orozco/.

What can you do if your husband tells you he no longer loves you, and is ending your marriage? Do you have to just give up? Our guest in this episode, Sophie Orozco, faced that very situation. And her friends, advisors, and therapists told her to just accept it and move on. But Sophie was determined to find a better outcome. She gave herself a year, and discovered that not only could her marriage be saved, but that it was better than it ever was. She shares what she learned with her coaching clients. Judy and I found her story inspiring, and hope you do too.

Sophie’s website is https://www.sophieorozco.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

How Can You Tell If Your Therapist is a Quack?

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/therapist-is-a-quack/.

Is your therapist a quack? We’ve talked about how to know if you should leave a relationship—what about a relationship with a therapist? What are the signs that you should dump them? As you’ll hear in this episode, thinking about that led us to talk about when diagnoses, such as ADHD or narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder, can be damaging, even though they are also often useful. Feel free to argue with me!

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

Becoming a Better Husband: An Interview with Angelo Santiago

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/angelo-santiago/.

How can men be better husbands and partners? Our guest in this episode is Angelo Santiago, a Marriage and Relationship Coach with a specialization in helping men become better husbands. Angelo had me (Bruce) on his podcast, “Better Husband,” and we were delighted to return the favor.

Angelo’s website is https://www.angelosantiago.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

How Do I Know When to Call It Quits in A 40-Year Marriage?

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/quits-in-40-year-marriage/.

A listener question prompted this episode: “Fred” wrote to us asking how to know when to end a 40-year marriage. Judy and I talk about this dilemma from several angles. How do couples get to that point after so many years of relative stability? What’s the role of intimacy in a couple? Are there ethical issues to consider? Let us know what you think.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.