Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Genocide, Optimism, and Belly Dancing: An Interview with Dr. Emily Bashah and the Honorable Paul Johnson

To see the video of this episode, visit https://youtu.be/d36N0HnPuMo.

Wait, what? Genocide, optimism, and belly dancing in the same conversation? Our guests, Emily Bashah and Paul Johnson, cover those topics and more. Emily is a psychologist who has worked on high-profile cases covering terrorism. Her parents survived Saddam Hussein’s campaign of genocidal violence against Jews in Iraq in the 1960s and 70s. Paul’s background is as a politician (he was mayor of Phoenix when he was 30 years old) and entrepreneur. Their recent book is called Addictive Ideologies: Finding Meaning and Agency When Politics Fail You.

And what about belly dancing? Listen to the end of the interview, where Emily explains how she became an accomplished belly dancer as an expression of her cultural heritage. And at around the 60-minute mark you’ll hear Emily and Paul’s amazing story of how their relationship transformed from colleagues to romance and marriage.

You can find the “Optimistic American” podcast that Paul and Emily host at https://www.optamerican.com/.

Want to suggest a topic or someone for us to interview? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.

And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

When you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

Dr. Chalmer’s newest book is My Husband Complains About My Cleaning! What Do I Do?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

You’re Gaslighting Me!

The term “gaslighting” is from a 1940s movie in which the Charles Boyer character tries to convince the Ingrid Bergman character that she’s losing her mind. And the term shows up frequently in the context of couples therapy. A listener question from a woman who is frustrated by her husband’s responses to her requests for change led us to this topic. Along the way we talk about what makes for an effective apology, and the worst and best ways to talk to someone you’ve inadvertently hurt.

To watch the video of this episode, visit https://brucechalmer.com/youre-gaslighting-me/.

Want to suggest a topic or someone for us to interview? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.

And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

When you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

Dr. Chalmer’s newest book is My Husband Complains About My Cleaning! What Do I Do?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

From Sex Worker to Relationship Coach: An Interview with Hannah Spanke

Hannah Spanke tells us about her journey of healing, a journey that took her through sex work, addiction issues, and relationship struggles on the way to years of personal growth and professional training. She’s the host of the “F*** Yourself Happy” podcast—a title with multiple meanings she explains to us in the interview.

To watch the video of this episode, visit https://brucechalmer.com/from-sex-worker-to-relationship-coach-an-interview-with-hannah-spanke/.

You can find more about Hannah on Instagram @HannahSpanke. Her website is https://www.hannahspanke.com.

Want to suggest a topic or someone for us to interview? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.

And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

When you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

Couples Therapy with a Dead Man: An Interview with Billie Best

Author Billie Best nursed her husband through to his death from cancer, and then discovered that he had been having an affair for years. She writes about her experience in her book How I Made A Huge Mess of My Life: Couples Therapy with a Dead Man. We talk about her fascinating life, and the lessons she’s learned along the way.

Billie’s website is https://billiebest.com.

Want to suggest a topic or someone for us to interview? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message..

And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

When you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

The Erotic Equation, and More on Husband’s Cross-Dressing

What is the “erotic equation”? We talk about the idea, first articulated by Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind, that eroticism needs obstacles to be hot. Then we revisit the topic of one of our most popular episodes, “My Wife Found Out I Cross-Dress. Help!” One of our listeners commented on the episode from the wife’s point of view, and we talk about her situation.

What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button.

And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

When you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

My Husband Complains About My Cleaning. Help!

Hundreds of people per month, we see, end up at a particular blog post on Dr. Chalmer’s website from a Google search for something like “My husband complains about my cleaning.” What’s happening? We revisit the letter that started it all and offer guidance on how to handle the issue. Hint: It’s probably not about cleaning.

What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

If you sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter (you can do it right from our podcast website, https://ctin7.com), you’ll get a link for a free download of Dr. Chalmer’s booklet Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life. You can also get the book on Amazon for $2.99. But why do that when you can get it for free?

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, athttps://ctin7.com/books.

Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life

How can our seven-word formula—“Be kind, don’t panic, and have faith”—help your love life? We talk about how those words can guide you as you do the work—sometimes scary work—of healing your passionate connection with your partner.

Bruce’s hilarious rap on the seven words is at https://www.youtube.com/?v=0cF0bO7mGac.

What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

What do you do when your partner asks you, “Do these pants make me look fat?” As we discuss, it’s classically asked by a woman of her male partner, and it strikes terror into the hearts of the guy. But we realized—actually, Judy realized—after we did the recording that there’s a great equivalent question that a man might ask his female partner. And we inserted our discussion of that in the episode—cracking up as we did so. (You’ll hear the insertion staring at 21:45.)

What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books.